| I just returned home from taking Andrew to the airport here in Northwest Arkansas for his trip back to Biola. It’s always hard to say goodbye but I’ll be making a couple of trips out to Southern California the spring so I’ ll have a chance to see him several times before he comes home in late May. He’s been home for over a month and it’s been a real joy to have him around—we’ve had some great father/son time together. Thanks to those of you who have asked when I was going to write my next update. I’ve gotten behind a bit. Part of it is busyness and part of it is the bittersweet nature of doing these. The painful part is that it stirs up the memories of life without Carrie, Matt and Marsha and all of what that means every day and many times a day. The very sweet part is that it’s a great reminder of a life filled with ample blessings, wonderful memories, the faithful presence of dear friends who don’t forget and the extravagant ways in which God continues to bless me and our family. November This was my challenging first month in my big lovely house by myself and living here in Siloam Springs without my precious, gracious, cheery, loving, kind and encouraging sister Marsha. Early in the month I made my faithful pilgrimage down to MD Anderson in Houston for my check-up and praise the Lord I passed with flying colors. I stayed with my dear friends Ehab and Sylvie and the girls and had a brief time for a long overdue catching up. I was able to bring Andrew home for his birthday (November 7th) and we had a long weekend together. This was his first birthday without Carrie, Matt, Marsha, Nathan & Amy—he was stuck with his dad—but we had a great time. We are starting to find a new rhythm and the “new normal” is starting to take shape. A major part of the month and what will continue for the next three to four months, was starting to go through all of Marsha and my mom and dad’s things. When my Dad died several years ago we took the most important family stuff (and there was a lot of it) over to Marsha’s since she had the room and was the keeper of the family history. The first couple of times I went over to Marsha’s to work I couldn’t stay more than a few minutes. It seemed generations of memories jumped out of every box I opened and I just couldn’t take it and had to leave. As the month wore on it got a bit easier. It’s amazing how a piece of clothing of a loved-one or a little nick-knack your mom had on her dresser when you were growing up can release a tsunami of precious but painful memories. Tears have become my friend. It’s so easy to get overwhelmed by the pain of the loss (and nothing is wrong with that) but in time I’ve become better at “choosing sovereign joy” and being overwhelmed by the presence of precious memories and the grace of God evidenced by those little reminders. I thank God that we can experience pain and pleasure, sorrow and joy all at the same time, and that the joy can become greater than the sorrow. This was my first Thanksgiving without any immediate family and that was really different. The Ostranders had pity on their single friend (I guess all of my shameless hints worked) and invited me to join them and Rick’s parents for a real Thanksgiving dinner and some wonderful family time. After dinner I drove up to Kansas City for some relaxation and refreshment. My mom used to say that most people have at least one “happy place” in their life—a place that they associate with relaxation, refreshment, inspiration and comfort. My number one “happy place” is the Grand Tetons, but the beach and the Kansas City Plaza are a couple of other special places in my life. Another great joy during the month of November was working with my friends at The Center for Relationship Enrichment at John Brown University. JBU is a unique place and my CRE staff are the best folks I’ve ever worked with. A special delight continues to be the development of our NWA Healthy Marriages (www.nwamarriages.com) program. Through a five-year federal grant we’re having the opportunity to impact thousands of couples in Northwest Arkansas, decrease the number of divorces and increased the numbers of folks with rewarding and mutually-satisfying marriages. December This month started with Greg Smalley and I going to a Marriage CoMission Summit at the Winshape Retreat Center (founded by the good folks at Chick-fil-a) in Rome, Georgia. We spent several days meeting with marriage leaders from around the country to share what we’re all doing and find ways to collaborate to make a positive difference in the marriages across our nation. On December 18th Andrew flew back from California to begin a delightfully long Christmas break. He had a great first semester at Biola and did well and at the same time was looking forward to being with his friends and to a lesser degree his father in Arkansas. Andrew was born in Denver and really enjoys Southern California but he is unashamedly and unapologetically an Arkansas boy. On December 24-31st Nathan, Amy and precious little Alivia (www.nathanandamyoliver.blotspot.com) joined us in Arkansas for Christmas. This was Alivia’s first Christmas and it was an indescribable joy for G-paw (that’s me) to have her here and watch her enjoy her new toys, make more eye contact, attempt to crawl, make those delightful little sounds that only a baby can make and to hold her for hours, especially in the early morning when she hadn’t let her mom and dad have much sleep. The wonder and awe of a newborn is amazing, but when it’s your grandchild it’s even more astonishing. Going through a second Christmas without Carrie and Matt and then our first one without dear Marsha who was always so joyful and especially so around Christmas was difficult but we were able to focus on the many great memories we shared together and the new memories we are creating and were very aware of God's grace and goodness! After our Christmas celebration we drove up to Kansas City and met Carrie’s family (who drove down from Nebraska) for another Christmas celebration. For many years now we’ve celebrated Christmas with Carries family either at our home or at one of their homes in Nebraska. As the boys get older and the families grow it’s going to become more difficult for us to do that so we’ve got to seize these times when we can, carve out the time and make it a priority. It’s been over a year since I’ve been able to go to Nebraska and that’s very unusual. December 27th would have been our 28th wedding anniversary. Marilyn (Carrie’s mom) was the only one who remembered this anniversary day (I wouldn’t expect anyone else to). The great news for me was that this year it was much more sweet than it was bitter. Being with the boys and Carrie’s family in one of our “happy places” perhaps made it a bit easier. I was very aware of the blessing of our years of marriage, the joys, pains, adversity, blessings, setbacks and too numerous to count examples of God’s presence and exceedingly abundant blessing on our lives and in our marriage and family. The cup can always be seen as half-full or half-empty and I choose to see it as half-full. January At the beginning of the month I flew out to Southern California to spend a few days with some old (and new) friends, many of whom I went to Biola or Talbot with or knew from my early years of ministry in Southern California. We call the group the Desert Fathers and I had the chance to reconnect with some men I hadn’t seen since my seminary days. Some of them have really gotten old. I don’t know how that happened. All of us have had our bumps and bruises (some more than others), have made some mistakes, experienced some profound blessings and are there to recall, recant where appropriate, listen to, love and encourage each other. It’s a joy to spend time with godly men whose life has been spent walking with the Lord, serving Him and who have not only run well but who are committed to finishing well. We laughed and cried and shared a lot of stories, most of them actually true. After a week in the office Andrew and I spent the weekend at the Kansas City Plaza. You may remember that this is a place Carrie and the boys and I have gone to for about six years, a place where we’ve done reading and writing, have unwound, been renewed and refreshed and come home energized for the next round of life. We walked and talked, went to a lot of movies and dissected them (and life) over some great meals. It was a treat to be with my youngest son and see how he is maturing and growing into a young man who can ask great questions and think for himself. Biola has been good for him and he is taking advantage of what it has to offer. On the 24th I took Andrew to the airport for his flight back to Biola and his life there. Alivia Oliver On January 21st Alivia turned 8 months old. A year ago Amy was pregnant and the kids had no idea what awaited them and now we have a 8 month old precious little girl. Alivia is crawling everywhere, pulling herself up to stand and walk along the furniture, pulling books out of her book box and actually sitting up in the tub by herself. For pictures and more Alivia updates you can go to www.nathanandamyoliver.blogspot. com. Nathan is working several days a week doing individual and group therapy in an addictions treatment center and starting his private practice and the kids are in the middle of looking for their first home. They are doing well and please pray for them that God will give them wisdom and discernment as they make one of the most significant purchases of their lives at a time when the economy is so unstable. Observations My mom taught me to appreciate the works of Maya Angelou. Here is a quote from her that I have found helpful:
gets, I'm always grateful to know that I don't have to stay with the negative. I don't have to continue in this climate of cynicism. I may not see the light at the end of the tunnel, but I know there is one . . . Happiness is not found in counting what you have, be it books or accolades or wealth or friends, but by appreciate however much--or little--you've been given . . . I'm grateful. I am truly grateful. I'm grateful for being here, for being able to think, for being able to see, for being able to taste, for appreciating love--for knowing that it exists in a world so rife with vulgarity, with brutality and violence, and yet love exists. I'm grateful to know that it exists. And I'm grateful to know it exists in me, and I'm able to share it with so many people.” discouragement, physical, emotional, relational or financial problems are always with us. By God’s grace there are discrete blessings in walking through the daily routines and dealing with the stuff of life and discovering, sometimes as if by accident, the manna that God has promised us for every new day. His mercies ARE new every morning. For those of us who have suffered catastrophic loss and go though each day with an emotional/psychological/spiritual “limp” that only we are aware of (and don’t want to burden others with) it is especially critical that we choose, that by God’s grace and the power of the Holy Spirit we at times “will” ourselves to count our blessings and name them one by one. Not as some kind of pseudo-spiritual denial but as a testimony to the presence of God in our lives and an example to others that circumstances don’t determine ultimate reality and that somehow what may seem to us like treading water and merely trying to be faithful to God’s continued call on our lives by putting one foot in front of the other can actually be used of God to point people to a reality that transcends whatever circumstances the evil one is trying to use to distract and discourage them. Sometimes how we deal with pain points people beyond ourselves to the one who sustains us, who is living in and through us and since the beginning of time has kept every promise He has ever made! I’m reminded of one of my favorite quotes of James Sittser: “If I give the impression I think myself heroic, perfect, or strong, then I give the wrong impression. My experience has only confirmed in my mind how hard it is to face loss and how long it takes to grow from it. But it has also reminded me how meaningful and wonderful life can be, even and especially in suffering . . . My suffering is as puzzling and horrible to me now as it was the day it happened . . . catastrophic loss leaves the landscape of one’s life changed forever.” On the changed landscape can grow new dreams and hopes and relationships that compliment what has gone before and is a testimony to a God that will never leave us or forsake us. To God be the glory! Thanks
Prayer
Gary |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
| January 28, 2009 |
 |