| On Living I will never forget the morning I awoke this week dreaming and then remembering the dream so vividly. I was in a church just about ready to give a message. ( That right there is very memorable since I really don’t do that sort of thing!) The words of John 3:16 were coming out of my mouth. Most of us know it well, “For God so loved the world he gave His only begotten Son, so that everyone who believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life." The message that I was dreaming that I was about to give is that God also sent his Son that we might have life right “now”, in our very present of our ordinary day, not just in eternity and that most of us need to ask what that means to us today. We have the gift of life. A friend asked the question this week what is the difference of walking life with cancer or without it. I wonder if the question is more are we walking in a way that says we are “alive”, alive because we have God’s only begotten Son walking with us, breathing through us and able to make each day deeply better than survival. Living that way transcends every experience of the day, cancer, lists, deadlines, demands, limitations, things that often suck the living life right out of us. I went on to read in Henri Nouwen that same morning (funny how God when He is working ties things together so neatly if we are watching) and he writes we must keep our eyes fixed on the prize. What is the prize? It is the divine life, the eternal life, the life with and in God and that wondering what it will be like after I die is only a distraction from the clear goal that is reachable now, right where I am, because eternal life is life in and with God, and God is where I am here and now. I, as I continue to walk this cancer experience, am thankful for what God continues to show me about Himself, about what matters and what doesn't and that I have an opportunity for experiencing life here and now as well as in eternity. On Family I thought about my family very frequently this week. Andrew came home from 3 weeks in Ireland, full of life and stories and Godly experiences plus he had just a whole heck of a lot of fun. Isn’t that great -- “fun”. Fun that did not involve, the evils that Satan would convince him are fun but just good clean, godly fun with people from a different culture and the JBU community. Doesn't get much better than that. We said goodbye to Nathan and Amy after my chemo treatment on Friday as they would be making their way to Florida and preparation for their wedding. Lots of tears, but prayers of joy. My heart cannot wait for this wedding! I miss them both. My dear parents arrived yesterday, July 2nd, to spend the 4th with us and to help out this weekend after chemo. My mom is the best Mom in the world. I am 46 and she is still all Mom to her daughters. Her name from the grandchildren is Mimi. She is paying for a house cleaner for me to come once a month during my 6 months of chemo and that is what moms do, especially ones whose own homes could win the Good Housekeeping Award of the Year for Cleanliness. I love having her around and I know that my cancer is hard on her heart. This is when distance is not a friend. I have 2 sisters one of them a physician (Chris) as I have mentioned before. She is good to me and keeps up on both my physical and emotional walk. My little sister (Barb) is so tender, as is my dad, and in their quiet ways I am sure that have no idea why this is happening to me. Gary’s sister Marsha is very much a sister to me as well and as I walk my road I have come a little bit closer to understanding her own journey of living life with pain. She has been such a model of someone who lives the gift of life to the fullest. All my family is very protective of me, wanting nothing to hurt me or make me sad. I see this especially with Matt and Gary. They are my protectors. They watch out for me, trying hard to keep me safe. I can’t imagine walking this cancer without family or without my Jesus. Great Quotes This Week “Wow that old lady can sure ski!” –7 year-old James Pollard (Absolute favorite quote of the week and the one that kept me laughing and living!) “The human body experiences a powerful gravitational pull in the direction of hope. That is why a patients hope is a physicians secret weapon. –Norman Cousins “I am not afraid of a storm for I am learning to sail my ship.” –Louisa May Alcott “That which does not destroy me makes me stronger.” –Friedrich Nietzsche “The beginning is always today.” –Mary Wollstonecraft “Never think that God’s delays are God’s denials.” –Comte Buffon “Those who live are those who fight.” – Victor Hugo (The above six came from “The Book of My Healing by Peggy Schmidt listed in my booklist.) A quote from Lance Armstrong: When discussing what cancer taught him he stated, “What it teaches is this: Pain is temporary. Quitting lasts forever.” One of my favorite scriptures this week a friend sent is Luke 11:9 Keep on asking and we can ask boldly. I have been going boldly to the Lord and have been asking. Praises
Prayer Requests
Thank you once again for your care, your love, your support, your encouragement, your hope, your honesty, your scriptures and your involvement in my life. You are teaching me much about who Christ is. |
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| July 3, 2005 |
My Worship Song for the Week by Casting Crowns (I love the words to this song and play it over and over again) Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth Would care to know my name Would care to feel my hurt Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star Would choose to light the way For my ever wandering heart Not because of who I am Not because of what you You’ve done’ Not because of what I’ve done But because of who you are I am a flower quickly fading Here today and gone tomorrow A wave tossed in the ocean A vapor in the wind Still You hear me when I’m calling Lord, You catch me when I’m falling And you’ve told me who I am I am Yours, I am Yours Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin Would look on me with love an watch me rise again Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea Would call out through the rain And calm the storm in me I am Yours Whom shall I fear Whom shall I fear “Cause I am Yours I am Yours |
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